Honesty is the Best Policy
by heart of a buddha.lol
Summary: Little Gazzy is hearing a lot of colourful words. Fang and Max aren't being honest as to what they really mean. How will it come back to bite them? Rated T. VERY explicit language.


**Disclaimer: Don't own Maximum Ride. Don't know why you would think I would...**

**Imagine this story being read out by someone else and the italics is cutting to the scene.**

**This story is based off a joke my friends decided to tell me one lunch time.  
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Honesty is the Best Policy

One bright sunny day, little Gazzy with his bright blue eyes, was walking by the kitchen to get some cookies and a glass of milk for an afternoon snack when he happened upon Max and Fang arguing.

"_Fang! You bastard! I can't believe you did that!"_

"_Damn it Max! You're such a bitch! You're so damn controlling!"_

Now little Gazzy didn't know what some of those words meant, and so he decided waited for them to finish arguing to ask them about the new words he had just learnt.

"_Max? Fang?"_ asked little Gazzy with his bright blue eyes, creeping into the kitchen from the corridor.

"_Yes Gazzy? Did you need something?"_ asked Max in her gentlest tone. She found that arguments with Fang tended to aggravate her and make her sound harsher than usual, and she really didn't want to sound harsh to the little boy with his bright blue eyes.

"_I heard you and Fang arguing…" _said the little boy with his bright blue eyes _"What's a bitch? And what's a bastard?"_ asked the little boy curiously with his bright blue eyes.

"_Oh! Well… those are…"_ faltered Max, not knowing how to explain this to an innocent eight year old boy.

"_Ladies and gentlemen." _Said Fang simply, replying to little Gazzy's question. _"Those are ladies and gentlemen."_

"_Oh! Okay! Thanks Fang! Thanks Max!"_ And with that, the little boy ran off to play with two new words to add to his vocabulary. Oh what a happy little bundle of joy he was! He was so proud he had learnt two new words in one day!

And now later that night, little Gazzy felt the need to use the little boys' room when he happened to walk past Fang's room, though it was Fangs room, he could hear Max in there as well. He heard odd noises and sounds coming from inside as well as talking.

"_Oh! Fang! That's a really big dick you've got there…"_ he heard Max coo.

"_Well that's a really tight vagina you've got there…" _he heard Fang grunt.

Now little Gazzy didn't know what some of those words were, and so he decided to wait until the following morning at breakfast to ask what those new words meant.

"_Max? Fang?"_ asked little Gazzy with his bright blue eyes once he sat down at the breakfast table.

"_Yes Gazzy? Did you need something?" _asked Max, who was pouring herself some milk into a rather large bowl of cereal. And it was quite a large bowl of cereal indeed!

"_I heard you and Fang last night…" _said the little boy with his bright blue eyes, _"What's a dick? And what's a vagina?" _asked the little boy with his bright blue eyes.

"_Well…you see… those are…"_ again, Max faltered, unable to think up anything to tell the curious little boy with his bright blue eyes.

"_Coats and Jackets." _Said Fang, replying to little Gazzy's question. _"Those are coats and jackets."_

"_Oh! Okay! Thanks Fang! Thanks Max!"_ and with that the little boy ran off to play with little boy things such as bombs, radioactive nonsense and the chainsaw he had found in the neighbours shed two weeks ago.

Later that day, Gazzy decided to frighten Max by surprising her while she was putting on her make up ever so carefully for tonight's turkey dinner.

"_Boo!"_ shouted the little boy with his bright blue eyes, causing poor Max to make the eyeliner she was applying go a slight askew.

"_Shit!"_ exclaimed Max from the surprise of the little boy with the bright blue eyes, nearly poking herself in the eye. And now we all know how painful it is when one pokes themselves in the eye with eyeliner. Quite painful and a bother is it not?

Now little Gazzy had just heard another word that he had yet to learn and so, he asked what it meant.

"_Max? What's shit?" _asked the little boy with his bright blue eyes curiously, all of a sudden appearing in front of Max shining his bright blue eyes at her, being full of curiosity and innocence and whatnot.

"_Make up, sweet heart, that's make up. Now go run a long and play." _And with that the little boy left to resume playing with whatever he was playing with before. But as he was walking past the kitchen he happened upon Fang was stuffing the turkey, he heard Fang say yet another word he had yet to learn.

"_Fuck!" _exclaimed Fang who had somehow hurt himself stuffing the turkey.

"_Fang?"_ asked little Gazzy with is bright blue eyes as he walked into the kitchen.

"_Yeah, Gaz?" _asked Fang looking up from the turkey he had been attempting to stuff. And what a difficult turkey it was being!

"_What's fuck?" _asked the little boy with his bright blue eyes curiously.

"_Oh! Well, that means to stuff a turkey, Gaz, stuffing a turkey."_ replied Fang who started attempting to stuff the difficult turkey once again.

And with all his questions answered, and all the new words he had learnt, he decided to go play in the garden with electric eels that he had taken from the neighbours' pond when the doorbell rang all of a sudden.

Little Gazzy, being the high spirited, intelligent little boy that he is, decided to use the new words that he had learnt. And so he opened the door, which opened to reveal Nudge and Iggy.

"_Bitches and Bastards!" _ Announced the little boy with his bright blue eyes, _"May I take your dicks and vaginas?"_ asked the little boy with his bright blue eyes, holding out his hands to take his guests coats and jackets.

Now poor Iggy and Nudge stood horror stricken at the foul language the little boy had used and Iggy, being the brave thing he was decided to ask where Max and Fang were.

"_Max is upstairs shitting and Fang's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!" _beamed the little boy with his bright blue eyes.

Moral: Always tell your children the truth or it may come back to bite you in the arse later.

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**Hope you enjoyed reading, because I know i enjoyed writing this. If you didn't read the top, this was based off a joke my friends told me. I got the idea to narrate this way when I was watching a Christmas _South Park_ episode. **

**If anyone who's waiting for me to update _Just A Little Frustration_, I've done the extra chapter I'm going to add to that but I don't really like it... The people who wanted uncle Iggy, that's coming soon. Sorry for the hold up!**

**REVIEW IF YOU LIKED IT!  
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**A creation.**


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